“I love your confidence.” How many times have you heard this and felt the sting of what sounds like praise but carries an undertone of judgment? As if it takes a special kind of audacity just to exist in your own skin. Let’s get one thing straight: confidence isn’t some magical trait reserved for a select few. It's not a compliment when people wield it like a consolation prize. In a world that constantly tells us we don’t fit in, confidence isn’t even the key to surviving—it’s courage.
🚨 Confidence: A Tool, Not a Compliment🚨
For those of us who live in bodies that society deems “unacceptable,” whether we’re plus-size, Black, or embodying any kind of "otherness," confidence becomes a tool—sometimes even a shield. People say, “You’re so confident,” as if to suggest that it takes some superhuman effort just to leave the house. But here’s the thing: confidence isn’t the real strength. Courage is.
Courage is waking up every day, getting out of bed, and deciding to love yourself in a world that insists you shouldn’t. Courage is daring to wear what you want, love who you are, and reject the idea that your worth is tied to how well you “fit” into society’s narrow boxes.
🔮The Backhanded Compliment of “Confidence”
When someone tells you, “I love your confidence,” what they’re often really saying is, “I wouldn’t be as brave as you to live in your body.” It’s a backhanded compliment, a subtle way of saying that existing as you are takes an extraordinary effort, as if your very being is something that requires bravery. But the truth is, we’re not brave for simply being who we are. We’re brave for loving ourselves in a world that tells us not to.
Confidence, then, isn’t the key to existing. It’s not what allows us to step out into the world and demand respect. Courage is. Courage allows us to push through a system that says we aren’t enough, to love ourselves when we’re told we shouldn’t, and to thrive against all odds.
🤞🏾It’s Time to Reframe the Narrative
Let’s stop using “confidence” as a way to subtly shame people for daring to be themselves. Loving yourself should be the baseline, not something to be praised only when it seems difficult for others to fathom. So, the next time you feel the urge to tell someone how much you admire their confidence, ask yourself if you’re really acknowledging their strength—or if you’re just expressing surprise that they love themselves in a world that says they shouldn’t.
And to all my sisters out there who get out of bed every morning and face the world, remember this: you don’t need to be “confident” to exist. You need courage. And you’ve already got that in spades.
So, just in case you didn’t know, loving yourself isn’t about being confident. It’s about being courageous enough to embrace who you are, unapologetically, every single day. That’s the real magic.- For The Love Of PAYPAY
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